BozoTheFish (sxyguitargrl) wrote,

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What happens when i think too much....

just thinking about stuff I've been through, going through, will go I go:

Pain is an amazing factor in everyday life. Life, no matter how long lived, presents pain unavoidably. From the second you are born until the second you die, pain alters the way you live. It causes you to rethink the moves you're going to make, the way you're going to go, and whether or not everything will be worth it in the end. But how often does pain truly hurt you? Pain occurs on different levels, ranging from tripping to falling from a ten story building. When you trip, you remember to tie your shoes. When you fall, you relize that there are always people at the bottom who want you to get back up again. When you're young, you're just learning to balance. You fall, but because you're small, you can easily get back up again. As you grow older the ground gets farther away. The falls are harder, and each time it becomes more difficult to pick yourself back up. Your parents and friends, the people who love you, are usually there to help you, but occasionally you find yourself alone and on the ground. The pain of being hurt is amplified by the fact that no one is there to help you, and part of you stays hurt and fears being alone again, in case you should fall. Eventually you pull yourself from the ground and keep walking. At school, you give an answer that turns out to be wrong. It's met with a cruel comment from a classmate. On the playground, you fight with your friends and one pushes you down. You sit on the cold ground and look up at them and know that they're sorry, but they still walk away. That same part of you watches and fears rejection. A little later in life, when you think you've found the person you love, unchangabledifferences take your lives in different directions. Having lost, you then fear love. Parents are often little help, presenting problems varying from misunderstanding to invisible bruises. From then on, you never allow yourself to trust. Eventually, an acquaintance a friend, a loved one, dies. Your eyes are opened to how short and fragile life is, and you discover what it means to die. You don't want to die.

Pain teaches you to avoid things. Being alone, being rejected, loving and losing, trusting and being betrayed, and the obvious demise of every living creature on this planet create a learned pain within each of us, and causes us to stray from our given path to one with less opportunity and more safety. We close the door to our own emotions so we can't be hurt. We step off the sidewalk of opportunity to get away from the various providers of pain, but we get hit by a time truck once we step into the street. Everything slows down. Without pain there's no progression. You don't learn that you can pick yourself back up, that there will be right answers, that friends who are true friends always come back, that the best thing to do when you lose something is to try to find something better, that even invisible bruises heal, that there are those that can be trusted, and that though death is inevitable, that doesn't mean you can't live.
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